While I've talked a lot about writing group positives and how groups can contribute to your success, I haven't posted as much about writing groups that go wrong. (If this strikes a chord, you will find more real-life-stories about bad experiences in The Write Group.)
The fact is, writing group members can harbor resentment and fear, enabling individuals to emerge as bullies, and as a result, the group goes toxic. If you're in the middle of it, the experience can feel murky and confusing and you might not know how to handle the group or feel good about your work. That's why I'll share one of my unpleasant experiences in the hopes it may empower you to take action if you find yourself in a similar situation today or in the future.
I was in a critique circle that met every other week. The group was very inclusive, which meant the members had different levels of writing-craft expertise and shared a variety of written works—poetry, short stories and novels, and nonfiction essays and memoirs. In each meeting, writers read an excerpt from their WIP, and the rest of the group provided immediate feedback.
About the feedback: People with more writing experience typically spoke first and drove the tone of the comments, which could be harsh. On top of that, some members supported the opinions to please them or make themselves feel superior.
Newer writers were uncomfortable providing feedback. As one less experienced writer explained to me, he didn't like to give notes, because he didn't want to look foolish, and he was afraid of what people would say about his work when it was his turn.
This ugly environment simmered below the surface, but came to a head at one meeting, when a recent joiner, a retired teacher, shared a piece about her first teaching job.
I don't know what exactly triggered the experienced writers. Perhaps they noticed how her scene touched the hearts of the listeners? Maybe her accomplishment made them feel small and insignificant?
Anyway, after she read the scene, the experienced writers jumped in to shred her work. Others, less experienced but wanting to feel powerful, echoed the hurtful feedback. Still others kept silent out of discomfort and fear, even though they had positive comments to give. Don't get me wrong. The teacher's manuscript needed some attention, but her work had strong writing bones, yet she only heard negatives.
The retired teacher promptly quit, and at the next meeting, the experienced writers—maybe because they got a glimpse of their true natures and it embarrassed them—scapegoated the retired teacher, who wasn't even there. Pathetic.
I left the circle. It was toxic.
If you find yourself in a writing group of any kind, where some members make fun of other members and disparage their projects or progress, do yourself a favor and leave. Immediately. Don't excuse the behavior; don't shrug and assume the behavior will never happen to you; and don't negotiate with the perpetrators.
In a toxic environment, you and your work will suffer. Get away from the toxicity and let the toxic people hurt each other.
Instead, put yourself in the company of creatives who value writers and respect creative work. That's where you'll flourish and where your work will thrive. Sure, it may take time to find the right writing group, but you and your work are worth the effort.
If you've had an experience with a toxic group, I feel for you and invite you to share your experience in the comments or Let's Chat.
And don't forget, The Write Group, with lots of true stories and helpful suggestions, is available for purchase. Read it to succeed in your work.
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